Hurting but Alive.

I recently received some painfully disappointing news. The kind that hurts in your chest and takes your breath away for a split second. I know you know it. The news that is followed by the sting of tears in your eyes and the immediate realisation that your dream has died. I wrote about it on twitter the other day trying to my make sense of it all.

I do this a lot. I try to unravel my thoughts and emotions by writing. A lot of it is in my journal, it's the purple leather bound one from monsoon. I love that journal. Other times I'll write it in my phone notes and other times I'll come here. So here I am. Trying to put this to bed.

I've allowed myself to dream big dreams in 2019, when it comes to my career. I have allowed myself to put imposter syndrome aside for a little while and reach for what could be. Some of it worked. Most it didn't and I find myself here facing crushing disappointment with more questions than answers. When I don't have answers I ask more questions and here they are;

Is my insatiable need for something more a sign that I am not content?

Will shedding tears help me through this?

Is it better to fall further away from the dream than to falter when you can almost grab it?

Are there lessons I am supposed to learn that I am not learning hence the continued hurdles?

Is there actually more to life or should I give up dreaming now?

How and why do I choose the people I share my dreams and hurts with?

When people share their hurts with me do I do enough to help them through?

So right now I'm not waiting for my breakthrough, that open door or even quoting Christine Cain when she says;
SOMETIMES WHEN YOUR'E IN A DARK PLACE YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN BURIED , BUT ACTUALLY YOU'VE BEEN PLANTED

I'm hurting but alive. Aren't we all?

Comments

  1. mama j aTuesday, 1 October 2019 at 18:43:00 GMT+2

    Stay strong sometimes we fall but you will always get back up.The future may not be clear cut but thats fine a dead end could be just that you were heading in tje wrong direction stay strong everything will work out

    ReplyDelete

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