Eating out again?? Yikes!

One thing that excited me the most about coming back to Zimbabwe was the chance to eat some good food. I have to say all the food I have eaten in the homes I have visited has been exceptional. Kudos to my mum for all the old school grub and the ridiculously large portions; she really is a woman after my own heart! I however also LOVE going out to eat and let it be known I’m not a food snob! I’ll eat at the grubby greasy spoon and enjoy it as much as the swanky eatery. I thought I’d give my opinion on a few of the places where I have eaten.

Before I begin, I feel obligated to state that it is not my intention to be mean. As something of a cook myself, I know the sting of a harsh critic! As a fellow food critic, Anton Ego, in the Disney movie Ratatouille stated and I agree,

 ‘In many ways the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgement. We thrive on negative criticism which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful then the criticism designating it so.’

That said, most of the places I have eaten are fast food chains, where the actual love for food has been long lost (if ever it was there!!!). The focus is on pushing unit after deliciously calorific unit and so I am justified to take digs at them a little! So after disclaiming my disclaimer, here we go!

Chicken Inn[1]

The food courts have revamped and look tidy and fairly modern for the most part. The staff are polite enough. They’ve added rotisserie chicken, spicy wings and chicken bites to their repertoire and yet.........IT IS UTTERLY DISAPPOINTING! They have billboards all around the city claiming to be Zimbabwe’s favourite, really?  I’m not sure when they last surveyed. Chicken Inn has checked out! The coating is soggy and comes away from the meat with every bite. It is flavourless. The chips (fries) are few, dark brown and taste of cardboard. In short, NOT GOING BACK.

Chicken Slice

Juicy, scrumptious and succulent deep fried goodness. Great portions, just like my mum would do them. They too have rotisserie, but I’ve never tried it because there is simply no need. Chicken slice is what Chicken Inn used to be, what it could have been, had they not watered down the recipe. The chips are chunky and soft at the same time. They have a lovely salty, paprikary (new word!) seasoning sprinkled generously all over them. They remind me of the fries they used to have at Steers (which I will write about a little later). The ones that were just good on their own with lashings of BBQ sauce and Thousand Island dressing. I digress, my apologies but they are good enough to warrant a moment of drifting! On the downside, because it’s new (first outlet opened in 2010), there’s only two places in Harare where you can experience the gorgeousness! The outlets are always full and although they have people clearing away the tables, the place could be a little cleaner (but I aint judging!). There’s an armed guard on the premises. I know the chicken is good but to have a guard packing heat is a little extreme. My verdict: GOING BACK AS OFTEN AS I CAN (to the detriment of my already ravaged waistline!).

Pizza Inn

I’ve been to two different ones and have been disappointed at both in equal measure.  The service was slow. 55 minutes for a pizza! They once had a policy that allowed a customer to have their pizza for free if it took longer than 10 minutes. That rule has long since been scrapped. Pizza inn wouldn’t exist today if that policy still applied, every pizza takes unreasonably long. Perhaps it would be excusable if it was anything like what pizza was like when it originated with the Greeks and then made its travels to Naples. The dough isn’t thin and crispy, no fresh herbs or good quality tomatoes or garlic or olive oil or cheese, so why, oh why can’t it be on time. To be fair I’m not a pizza purist! I do like a deep pan, meat feast with a stuffed crust or cheesy bites. I’m not averse to the odd pineapple chunk or sprinkle of sweet corn; I just want it on time!  Again the restaurant could be cleaner but the people are friendly and the pizza is reasonably priced. And the score: WILL ONLY GO BACK IF I’M WITH SOMEONE WHO IS DESPERATE TO HAVE PIZZA (otherwise not!).

Steers

So we already know I love the chips and they’re still very good. I know that the thing I’m eating is good if it takes me back somewhere (back when I was 18, thin!) or if I drift off somewhere (wondering how the humble potato could rise to such heights and what genius conceived that this could be) or I plan when I’ll eat it next while I’m eating it! That’s what happens when I encounter said chips! Their menu has sadly morphed into series of combos which makes it hard to mix and match like the days of old. I had a Rib burger which was tiny in comparison to the picture. However, the deboned pork ribs, slow cooked in a spicy BBQ sauce was delicious. It tasted exactly like the ribs from the Butcher’s Kitchen, which I will tell you about later. The whole thing is utterly moorish and a total treat for the taste buds. Those who know me well know that I love nothing more than to sink my teeth into a good burger and this was.....well, pretty high up there with the best of them. My verdict: I WILL BE GOING BACK. And when I do, I will be ordering the Steers Ribs. Bone and all! I’ll be eating them as a tribute to the Steers Ribs Veteran, Rita (The original rib-eater) and for my own pleasure of course. The ribs aren’t cheap, about the same price as ribs in a proper sit-down restaurant, but they’re worth it and so am I.

The Butcher’s Kitchen

Summed up in a phrase, a market where you can buy produce and they’ll cook it for you while you wait. My brother tells me they are all the rave/rage (!) in Italy and it turns out very popular here too. The place is a well stocked deli, a grocery store, butchery and a restaurant all rolled into one. You’d think variety is good right?? I had to walk around it a couple of times to orientate myself!  The meat section is a vegetarian’s nightmare. There you can pick from 21 day aged steaks, hefty pork chops, meaty ribs and fresh seafood to be slapped on the grill while you wait. I first went there with my sister Peggy, who is a stickler for good service and unfortunately that day they fell short. It was still early days for them I think and the ‘assemble your own sandwich/wrap’ concept hadn’t quite been streamlined. It took ages to be served and even longer to reassemble the rushed sandwich job. It tasted divine though. The place is a feast for the foodie. From the butchery the ribs are a real winner and from their deli, the garlic rolls are sublime. They’re soft in the middle, crispy, garlicky (new word!) and salty on the outside. Kind of like a savoury croissant, utterly divine! They have the widest selection of olive oil, olives, sun dried tomatoes, cheese and a charcuterie that would make even Raymond Blanc proud! The place is a schizophrenic jumble of South African, French, Italian and Mediterranean cuisine, but just enough crazy to be cool! This fusion is typical of many restaurants in Zimbabwe. Nothing is ever strictly one cuisine which I totally love, its inclusive and laid back. Verdict: DEFFO GOING BACK.

Millers Cafe

This one sits on the site of what used to be Cafe Med. The decor is fresh and modern. The chairs are a nightmare to get in or out of! They’re definitely trying to pull in the covers because the number of tables in that small space is enough to bring a tear to your eye. In my view a restaurant is only as good as its seafood and they do not disappoint. They have prawns, mackerel, king clip, bream, mussels and calamari! That’s a thumbs-up! Recently I had a seafood salad there. O.K, I hear you sniggering! I’ll explain. It was a hot Saturday afternoon, I wasn’t terribly hungry and I thought I’d give it a shot. IT TOOK AGES!! Zimbabwe is meat country. We produce good meat (still) and love to eat it. My surname even speaks of meat! On a loose translation my surname literally means stuffed full of meat! LOL! So a person ordering a salad, and a seafood salad at that is very rare and most likely insane or foreign or both!! So the salad took longer than the steak everyone else was having. This is baffling because over half of the dish needs no cooking at all! It was well worth the wait though. Crisp leaves of baby spinach, cos lettuce and chicory. All topped with plump sun-kissed cherry tomatoes, spicy red onion and a great selection of seafood.  I had seafood in every mouthful, totally delectable. They also have a great selection of virgin cocktails (non-drinker!). Nothing beats mixing sweet and colourful cordials, sticking an umbrella on top and calling it Paradise Sunset! Verdict: GOING BACK (in fact I’ve been back, but next time I’m going to the one in Ballantyne Park, Borrowdale is far too full!)

O’Hagan’s Irish Pub

The joys of globalisation! An ‘Irish’ pub in Southern Africa! One of the few things that this place has going for it is that its laid back, just like a pub should be. Those of you who know Harare will know that everyone always dresses up! Laid back me in slouchy bottoms and comfy shoes always feels out of place. But not at O’Hagan’s. I first went there with my sister, my new brother in law and my husband (GOOD EATING CREW!). It’s not gastro pub, just a pub with grubby menus, rickety chairs and possibly a hundred televisions showing the latest sport! When you go (you will eventually!), sit at the booths and order the calamari basket!  It will not disappoint with its crispy outside and plump, juicy and sweet inside. Don’t go expecting Tom Kerridge style creations, just good old pub grub, chicken livers, lasagne, pies and burgers and you won’t be disappointed. The staff are friendly but there’s far too many of them, you feel like you’re being watched! Verdict: NOT GOING BACK FOR THE FOOD. I’ll watch football there but will not eat any food. I found a large piece of plastic in my burger last time and had to explain to the waiter why I wasn’t going to pay for the meal. Not cool.

Cafe Nush and Confectionery

It’s a restaurant with a bakery and confectionery shop under the same roof. They call themselves a diner that serves Greek and Mediterranean and Middle Eastern food. The food is divine. Gordon (husband!) has had all their burgers (not all at once, although he is capable!) and because they’re Greek/Med, I thought I would have the kebab combo. Lamb, chicken and beef with salad, fries, flatbread and dips. Need I say more? I think not! L.U.S.H!! The chicken breast was a tough, probably the same cooking time for the beef and the lamb which was a crying shame! The presentation? Top notch.  The bakery section is well stocked. I had a fruit tart with golden brown, sweet, crumbly pastry and smooth and velvety crème patisserie, I’m drooling as I type. All the servers are female. Odd! But they’re agreeable and don’t roll their eyes when asked to make the milkshake a little thicker!

360° Bar and Grill

This is a posh steakhouse. This simply means that they have done up the place really nicely in order to get away with charging crazy sums for meat! The meat is tremendous though. The first time I went there I had surf and turf, I think by now you are getting the meat and seafood obsession! It was exquisite and utterly gratifying! So it was Chateaubriand and perfectly pink and plump prawns with a red wine sauce. As with any restaurant that takes itself seriously, you cannot just walk in but getting a table on short notice is relatively easy. The next time I went I had braised belly of pork. Yes you read that right, braised! Imagine a thick cut piece of pork belly=FAT. Slow cooked in some white liquid in which some heavy handed person overdid the nutmeg! The fat wasn’t rendered and it was uncomfortable chewing on chunks of lard. It was far too rich and almost nauseating. The cabbage cooked in cream didn’t help to cut the richness and I was left feeling like it was a little too much. The cute crackling bow didn’t crackle. Then I had dessert, steamed malva pudding, stodgy as old porridge but surprisingly enjoyable. So what am I saying here? Is this a place I would recommend you to go? A resounding yes! Should you eat the braised pork belly? Not unless you’re trying to give yourself heart disease. What should you order?? Anything other than braised belly pork and you’ll be sure to enjoy yourself immensely! Verdict: GOING BACK, tonight even! If only I had the money!

When I next write I hope to tell you about Mojo, it’s a Brazilian restaurant in Avondale. I hope it’s like Rodizio Rico, probably the best Churrascaria I’ve been too. My two sisters can testify! I’ll also brave the massive Wing Wah International, venture into Piccobello Pizzeria and Restaurant and see to it that I deal with the whole bream that I have been told is served at Great Wall! Yum Yum!

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[1] Chicken inn is one of 6 quick service restaurants which are under the franchising division of the Innscor Africa Company. The others are Pizza Inn, Creamy inn, Bakers Inn, Vasili’s and Galito’s. They are found all over Zimbabwe and also Zambia, Kenya, Nigeria, Malawi, Ghana and Senegal.