Why I'm in the family I'm in!

In April, my brother, his fiance and my beautiful niece and nephew came to visit us. It was the happiest and busiest I’ve been for a long time. Driving back from the airport after they’d left, I blinked back the tears. I hate saying goodbye! In a bid to calm myself I got my journal out and started to write. I do this often, put my feelings down on paper. It’s terribly cathartic! 

As we drove down the dark streets, I was overcome by how much I love my family. Every single one of them! Unlike most families, my siblings and I have very different life experiences. We have the same mum and dad but I am much younger than them and I arrived almost in the post dad era!

I’ll be honest when I first started thinking about writing a blog about family; it was going to be full of comical anecdotes and harsh characterisation of each of them. BUT this isn’t that at all. Like me they’re flawed, I’ve often rolled my eyes at them, they’ve made me cry and often I wonder how it’s possible that we have the same parents! But I wouldn't trade them for the world. 

I started thinking to myself why on earth are we in families? Why is that the order of things? Perhaps it's so that we can learn what it is to be human all in preparation for when we have our own families. That explanation wasn't sufficient for me. Then it hit me, God put me in a family because there were things that he wanted me to learn from each person. I know it sounds a little self centered to think that my mum met my dad, they had several kids for the sole reason that little old me could come along and learn a few things from their combined life experiences. All to make me a better person! I however believe it to be true. I was put in my family because each person has something to teach me. And then the hard part....WHAT IS THAT SOMETHING???

My dad died before I could have known him or had a relationship with him. I often wonder what sort of person I would have been had he been around. All I know about him is what I have been told but even from that I know why he was my dad. I have the dad I have because I was meant to learn that where I am from does not have to determine where I will end up. My dad was the poster boy for social mobility!! He was born in the back of beyond and had almost nothing. By the time he died, he was a well respected and accomplished man who many considered a friend. Him being my dad has given me confidence that the circumstances of my birth need not determine how my life will end up!

My mum!! Anyone who knows her, knows that she is a powerhouse. She is not afraid to try new things or speak her mind while trying them! I didn't quite get her growing up but I now know why my mum is my mum. I was given my mum because I needed to learn what it means to be strong in the face of loss and adversity. She is my mum because I needed to learn not to let life phase me. She is my mum because I needed to learn not to hold on too tightly to material things. No one I know gives more of their time, their home and belongings to help others and she is my mum because I needed to learn that. From my mum I have also learnt that clashing clothes will never look good no matter how hard you try! MUM, stripes worn with floral, paisley teamed with tartan will never work. Thank your for your perseverance in trying to show me otherwise, but NO!

My eldest sister is my sister because I needed to learn that a house can never be too tidy, that you can never have too many white linen shirts, that walking in heels is easy, that parties are for dancing, that no one on earth knows how to make a rare steak and that a hairstyle isn't a binding contract, you can change at will! She is my sister because I needed to learn about standing on my own two feet, about accepting that people will sometimes disappoint you but it need not be the end of the world. She is fiercely loyal to her family, has a tough exterior but the gooiest, mushiest inside!

My first brother is my brother because I needed to learn about the value of newspapers. Really! The guy doesn't throw a paper away until he has read it about a thousand times, clipped and filed almost all the articles and read the remainder again. As a result he is so clued up on current affairs, he could talk any topical talk show host under the table! He is my brother because I needed to learn about being able to fit in anywhere. He is as much at home networking with a bunch of company CEOs as he is with the old man sitting outside his hut in Chirumanzu! I needed him as my brother because I needed to learn about being adaptable, not to think of myself more highly than I ought, as well as realising that the things I have to say are worth hearing!


My second sister is one of those irritatingly nice people! You know those types! The ones that always give people the benefit of the doubt, the ones that are always encouraging, listening intently and your biggest cheerleader (PUKE!!!)!! She is my sister because I needed to learn about being selfless. She has taught me that I don't always need to shout, that being nice doesn't mean that you are a doormat, that being nice to strangers isn't weird and that sleeping on the couch is one of life's greatest pleasures. From her I have learnt to give things a go and not to spend too much time dwelling on negative stuff.


My second brother (the one I mentioned in the beginning, who had come to visit!) is my brother because I needed to learn that no matter what people say about me, no matter how little they think I will amount to; I can do and achieve anything I want to. I can be accomplished and well respected by working hard and dreaming big. He is my brother because I needed to learn the value of being cultured and well versed in as many things as possible! He is brother because I needed to learn that when I am successful I should share my success selflessly with my family. He has taught me that nut allergies are real, that you can never have too much sadza, that guys with dreadlocks aren't all questionable characters and that sometimes the best way to handle life's worries is to laugh and laugh so hard that your sides hurt and you drool involuntarily!

My next brother has taught me that family isn't just made up of people with whom you share common parents. He is my brother because I needed to learn that normal guys can cook, that tinted spectacles are geeky and that true friendships last forever.

Then there's my husband, our family is just us right now but he is in my life because I needed to learn that you can actually get along with everyone, that it's possible to have more than just one person consider you their best friend, that food is the truth (to be fair I know that all my by myself, no teacher needed!), that shopping just isn't for girls, that men like shoes too, that you can watch ANY sport on TV and actually enjoy it and ultimately he has taught me what true love is.

I have also come to realise that even the people born after me are there to teach me something. I have my nieces and nephews because I needed to learn several things; that having a messy bedroom won't actually kill me (it just stinks Tino!), that loving history and music and being well spoken doesn't mean I'm a nerd (Fari), that being quiet and soft spoken doesn't mean that I can't be a powerhouse on the rugby pitch (Ryan), that your brother can be your best friend and hero (Sam and Sean), that being a big sister is a fulfilling full time job (Tendo), that a smile is all you need to brighten someone's day (Ruvimbo), that girls can be tough and terribly cute at the same time (Ella) and that just being there makes life worth living, you don't even need to be able to say one word (Joel)!


So there you have it, so many things I have to learn and the most wonderful teachers to teach me. LUCKY ME