They call me mum.
I am a mother.
Two formidable girls call me mum and it is a role I came into fearfully, one I was ill-prepared for and one that teaches me countless lessons daily. The responsibility of getting it right feels like the proverbial sword of Damocles; looming and constantly reminding me of what other things I have to get right. Will they be happy, are they secure, am I good example, what lessons do I still have to teach, are they eating enough vegetables, will they know that they are capable of achieving all they set their minds to? It goes on and on and I tremble as I type this because the list is actually endless and I often feel I may not have the strength or the presence of mind to actually get it right.
And there is that word! Right. What is the right, correct, proper way to be their mother? I have no idea. But what I learnt today is that it is simpler than I often imagine. It is about being present. Listening and engaging and finding out who these people really are and getting hints from them about what my role in their lives really is.
I often have special things planned out for them. Things to impress them and show them and possibly the world that I am doing motherhood right. Some of these things work and I find great validation in their happy faces but also sadly in the fact that I have ticked something off the long long list of things that I must do.
Today was no different. The picture perfect day, this one was going down in the record books. If mothers got stickers I'd be getting a tonne today. I got caught up in the weird transactional way I have come to see my role. Do this and they'll think you're great. And then it fell apart. And isn't it amazing that when the best laid plans fall apart that is when we
learn the lessons. There is something about the classroom of life that just doesn't sit well with stage managed and choreographed. Today I learnt that mum is the best and mum is loved when she does nothing but be there. These little ones were willing to forgo a lifeline, a veritable redemption of their ruined day just so they could hang out with me, styling my locs, making me pretend meals and dancing to The Merrymen singing HOT HOT HOT! Yes that's a jam in this house ;-)
So without the bells and whistles spending a day with me is all they actually wanted. And that's it folks. No big formula, just be there. And not every single moment. I'm not crazy (hehehe). The kids also have things to learn outside my limited capacity and away from me and my insecurities.
Today I learnt that I must be present and intentional and we will all be ok.
Two formidable girls call me mum and it is a role I came into fearfully, one I was ill-prepared for and one that teaches me countless lessons daily. The responsibility of getting it right feels like the proverbial sword of Damocles; looming and constantly reminding me of what other things I have to get right. Will they be happy, are they secure, am I good example, what lessons do I still have to teach, are they eating enough vegetables, will they know that they are capable of achieving all they set their minds to? It goes on and on and I tremble as I type this because the list is actually endless and I often feel I may not have the strength or the presence of mind to actually get it right.
And there is that word! Right. What is the right, correct, proper way to be their mother? I have no idea. But what I learnt today is that it is simpler than I often imagine. It is about being present. Listening and engaging and finding out who these people really are and getting hints from them about what my role in their lives really is.
I often have special things planned out for them. Things to impress them and show them and possibly the world that I am doing motherhood right. Some of these things work and I find great validation in their happy faces but also sadly in the fact that I have ticked something off the long long list of things that I must do.
Today was no different. The picture perfect day, this one was going down in the record books. If mothers got stickers I'd be getting a tonne today. I got caught up in the weird transactional way I have come to see my role. Do this and they'll think you're great. And then it fell apart. And isn't it amazing that when the best laid plans fall apart that is when we
learn the lessons. There is something about the classroom of life that just doesn't sit well with stage managed and choreographed. Today I learnt that mum is the best and mum is loved when she does nothing but be there. These little ones were willing to forgo a lifeline, a veritable redemption of their ruined day just so they could hang out with me, styling my locs, making me pretend meals and dancing to The Merrymen singing HOT HOT HOT! Yes that's a jam in this house ;-)
So without the bells and whistles spending a day with me is all they actually wanted. And that's it folks. No big formula, just be there. And not every single moment. I'm not crazy (hehehe). The kids also have things to learn outside my limited capacity and away from me and my insecurities.
Today I learnt that I must be present and intentional and we will all be ok.
It's so amazing how much those little cupcakes teach us everyday. You are so right about just being present. The rest of the puzzle pieces will just fall into place.
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