How do I get rid of this salami?
I've always wanted to lose weight. Even when I was as thin as a rake, I'd stand in front of the mirror, tugging away at the barely there bits of flab around my hips or tummy wishing it away. I wasn't serious then because I had no weight to lose!
Sadly I cannot say the same now. Boy is there weight to be lost!! Ever since starting university I have steadily piled on the LBs and with every upheaval, every heartbreak, every stressful situation and every happy event I have eaten and steadily morphed into a girl that looks nothing like the girl I see in my mind!! Thanks to McDonald's sausage and egg mcmuffins (with cheese!), M&S chocolate tray bake, KFC hot wings, fish and chips, LIDL cook at home ribs, Haribos, paprika flavoured lays crisps, chocolate digestives, Nandos chicken with the requisite fries, coleslaw, spicey rice and sweet potato mash, cocktail sausages, vol-au-vents of any kind, Sainsburys quiche, crispy rolls with lashings of butter, M&S non-alcoholic elderflower beer, chicken, mushroom and bacon pasties (West Cornwall Pasty Company), chicken slice (extra fries!), BBQ pork with special fried rice (Kings Chinese in Avondale) and all things deep fried, I resemble a person smuggling salamis under my clothes!!!
I've done a few diets, with not enough discipline. South Beach, General Motors, Atkins Lite, been there, got the extra large tshirt! I've also done all the exercising with very little discipline. Tabeo? Billy Blanks and I go way back. Aerobics? Zumba? Torture sessions otherwise known as boot camp with my husband? I have the battle scars to prove it. And yet my salami stash keeps growing.
One of my resolutions for 2012, right below starting a blog was 'get fit and lose weight, try and be disciplined!' I haven't been doing very well at it. I excused myself at the start of the year because of the stress of moving (bla bla! Excuses!). THEN lo and behold, my sister in law (and friend!) asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding in December. Cue horror music! There's nothing that showcases one's salami stash quite like a bridesmaid's dress! Plus the added pressure of having to line up with several other girls in the exact same dress, for easy comparison. I don't want to be that girl. You know the one I mean. The one when you're looking at wedding pictures and everyone says 'oh lovely dresses, wonder if they bought them or got them made, pity about that girl, she must be the bride's only sister! You know that girl? The one everyone thinks could be pregnant but isn't?? It's a salami stash people, move along nothing to see here!
So the invitation to be a bridesmaid has inspired me to get in shape. I started walking several month ago. I'm not walking anymore. Discipline issues! Also I started getting blisters under my feet from over exertion and the heat was getting unbearable! Ok I know, bla bla excuses! Then I remembered my Zumba DVDs. I've been shimmying and doing booty circles every weekday for several weeks now and I think I've hit a winning streak!
I have only ONE complaint! Ok TWO! About this whole weight loss palaver.
The first is that there aren't any 'normal' looking people on those exercise videos. I get it ok. Those happy, thin and sculpted people are meant to inspire me to work harder so I can look like them. As if I'll ever look like Flaviana, the little Brazilian Performer! I can hear her voice, 'Go Peeny, Zumba is make my abs look like this, you can look like also, just 100 more booty ceykoz!'. Sorry Flav and Billy 'muscles even on my head' Blanks, all your beautiful bodies do is make me realize how far short I fall. What I really need is a salami stasher, in an oversize T-shirt and uncomfortable looking leggings, huffing and puffing, not quite getting the steps. That to me says you can do it.
Complaint number two, why does diet food have to be so tedious? Day one have 2 artichoke hearts soaked in red wine vinegar with a sprinkle of cayenne. Day two have 3 and a half poached quails egg whites. Day three you're ready to drink the liquid you soaked the artichokes in on day one. Day four is a treat day, watch someone else having a juicy steak and then spend the evening watching Food Network. Day five have deep fried purple basil leaves. And on and on and on!! Why cant eating healthy just be easy??
Enough complaining! I have exactly 55 days till the big day. I'll post a picture here for your verdict : Oh wow look at her or shame I'd hate to be her! Wish me luck
Sadly I cannot say the same now. Boy is there weight to be lost!! Ever since starting university I have steadily piled on the LBs and with every upheaval, every heartbreak, every stressful situation and every happy event I have eaten and steadily morphed into a girl that looks nothing like the girl I see in my mind!! Thanks to McDonald's sausage and egg mcmuffins (with cheese!), M&S chocolate tray bake, KFC hot wings, fish and chips, LIDL cook at home ribs, Haribos, paprika flavoured lays crisps, chocolate digestives, Nandos chicken with the requisite fries, coleslaw, spicey rice and sweet potato mash, cocktail sausages, vol-au-vents of any kind, Sainsburys quiche, crispy rolls with lashings of butter, M&S non-alcoholic elderflower beer, chicken, mushroom and bacon pasties (West Cornwall Pasty Company), chicken slice (extra fries!), BBQ pork with special fried rice (Kings Chinese in Avondale) and all things deep fried, I resemble a person smuggling salamis under my clothes!!!
I've done a few diets, with not enough discipline. South Beach, General Motors, Atkins Lite, been there, got the extra large tshirt! I've also done all the exercising with very little discipline. Tabeo? Billy Blanks and I go way back. Aerobics? Zumba? Torture sessions otherwise known as boot camp with my husband? I have the battle scars to prove it. And yet my salami stash keeps growing.
One of my resolutions for 2012, right below starting a blog was 'get fit and lose weight, try and be disciplined!' I haven't been doing very well at it. I excused myself at the start of the year because of the stress of moving (bla bla! Excuses!). THEN lo and behold, my sister in law (and friend!) asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding in December. Cue horror music! There's nothing that showcases one's salami stash quite like a bridesmaid's dress! Plus the added pressure of having to line up with several other girls in the exact same dress, for easy comparison. I don't want to be that girl. You know the one I mean. The one when you're looking at wedding pictures and everyone says 'oh lovely dresses, wonder if they bought them or got them made, pity about that girl, she must be the bride's only sister! You know that girl? The one everyone thinks could be pregnant but isn't?? It's a salami stash people, move along nothing to see here!
So the invitation to be a bridesmaid has inspired me to get in shape. I started walking several month ago. I'm not walking anymore. Discipline issues! Also I started getting blisters under my feet from over exertion and the heat was getting unbearable! Ok I know, bla bla excuses! Then I remembered my Zumba DVDs. I've been shimmying and doing booty circles every weekday for several weeks now and I think I've hit a winning streak!
I have only ONE complaint! Ok TWO! About this whole weight loss palaver.
The first is that there aren't any 'normal' looking people on those exercise videos. I get it ok. Those happy, thin and sculpted people are meant to inspire me to work harder so I can look like them. As if I'll ever look like Flaviana, the little Brazilian Performer! I can hear her voice, 'Go Peeny, Zumba is make my abs look like this, you can look like also, just 100 more booty ceykoz!'. Sorry Flav and Billy 'muscles even on my head' Blanks, all your beautiful bodies do is make me realize how far short I fall. What I really need is a salami stasher, in an oversize T-shirt and uncomfortable looking leggings, huffing and puffing, not quite getting the steps. That to me says you can do it.
Complaint number two, why does diet food have to be so tedious? Day one have 2 artichoke hearts soaked in red wine vinegar with a sprinkle of cayenne. Day two have 3 and a half poached quails egg whites. Day three you're ready to drink the liquid you soaked the artichokes in on day one. Day four is a treat day, watch someone else having a juicy steak and then spend the evening watching Food Network. Day five have deep fried purple basil leaves. And on and on and on!! Why cant eating healthy just be easy??
Enough complaining! I have exactly 55 days till the big day. I'll post a picture here for your verdict : Oh wow look at her or shame I'd hate to be her! Wish me luck
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